You can be happy and content or unhappy and miserable. The choice is yours. You are, what you choose.

Are you surprised that you have this power? Did you think that “things” just happen, or that your life is completely predetermined? In reality, your happiness or unhappiness is determined by whether you are under the influence of a positive or negative mental attitude. And which attitude you have is your choice.

Our power of choice can be our strength or it can be our weakness.  It all depends on the choices we make. The RIGHT choices are our strength. They bring happiness, health, and an enjoyable, productive life. The WRONG choices are our weakness. They bring misery, sickness, and a depressing, aimless life.

We can, through our conscious mind, control our emotions and feelings, if we choose to do so. Our thoughts, are the one thing we possess, over which we alone have complete control, through choice. Our feelings and emotions come from our thoughts.

You must understand the incredible power of your mind for strength or weakness. Your power of choice makes the difference. It is the thoughts and concepts in your mind that make you happy or miserable. You, and you alone, choose what thoughts will occupy your mind.

Your choices form your philosophy of life. One of the most important choices should be the enjoyment of life. Because if you don’t knowhow to enjoy life, you’re going to be a burden to yourself and to others.

You are the product of your heredity, environment, physical body, conscious and subconscious mind and experiences. You have the power of choice, in which you can affect, use, control, or harmonize with all of the above. So you are, also, the product of your choices.

Be it physically, mentally, or emotionally, we have choices to make. Your whole being, who you are, your identity, stem from what choices you make.

Physically, you can choose to be optimistic  and relax and be healthy. Or you can choose to race your human motor and clog it up with fear thoughts leading to a breakdown.

Mentally, you must choose the right thoughts. You must put good quality thoughts in your mind. This will give you a contented mind. You will be able to think clearly.

Emotionally, when you make the right choices, such as optimism, positivity, and purposeful living, you will feel good and your emotions will work for you.

Make the wrong choices, such as worry or fear, you are misusing your emotions and they will work against you.

So, why use your power of choice to make yourself weak, miserable, and sick? This misuse of your power will only make you ineffective in dealing with life.

Why not use your power of choice to make yourself strong, happy and healthy? Use your power  to cultivate your own beautiful garden in life.

Strength or weakness, the CHOICE is yours.

You are unique. You are important. You are the only person who can bring yourself happiness. You are the only person who can find your talents and your purpose in life. You are the only person who CAN FIND YOURSELF!

Your purpose then, in finding yourself, is to meet life the best you can and enjoy it.

First, you must try to discover and develop the talents that you possess. The talent is there, it is in you, the problem is to discover it and dig it out.

Everyone has some talent, some ability to do some one thing or things very well. Few people make full use of their talents. You need to analyse yourself, to see yourself objectively, and to see possibilities in yourself. You will find your talents through intelligent application of your inner resources to the fields for which you are fitted.

Second, after you have found your talents, you need to have a sense of purpose in life, otherwise you will have a feeling of emptiness.

What is a sense of purpose? It’s your feelings of worthiness, aliveness and significance as a unique human being, it is your real reason for being here in the first place. It’s an internal feeling.

So, a sense of purpose can be achieved by matching up everything you do daily, with a feeling of importance and personal mission. A mantra you could use:

“ I am going to feel complete and fulfilled in my life because I am unique and worth it.”

Third, don’t settle for less than you could be. You can become anything you choose. You should think you are as important as any human who has ever lived before you.

And finally, it is never too late to change your position in life, be you middle-aged or old. True, some achievements require a certain length of time to accomplish and a certain amount of effort. But, while you may have missed out on many opportunities in life, you can adjust yourself to the circumstances that surround you and get more out of life than you have thought possible. Try to grow every day.

So, to find yourself, and you can, you have to give yourself a great deal of personal attention. Your life is yours to make of it what you will. But you have to find yourself and be yourself. Don’t allow others or any force of circumstances to keep you from doing the things you want most to do, for there, is where your success lies.

PS-And don’t forget to appreciate the worth of others, this will give you a balanced view of life.

Luck, fairness and justice, three concepts that many of us think we don’t get much of. This fact could depress us. But, luckily, we can change this around for ourselves.

Thomas Jefferson said, “ I’m a great believer in luck, and the harder I work, the more I have of it.”

What is luck? To most people it means good fortune, advantage or success, that happens to a person purely by chance. If you wait for this definition of luck to affect you, you will wait a long time, maybe all your life! So many people go through life lamenting, “ I’m so unlucky, nothing seems to go my way.”

But, does it have to be this way? Can you make your own “luck”?

People crave fairness for themselves, and in the world. You and I would like everything to be, at least, moderately good or satisfactory in life. Ideally, people would like everything to be free from bias, inequity, dishonesty and injustice. But is this the way it is? No!

So, the concept of fairness is easily explained, but impossible to implement. Fairness is sort of an innocence of mind.

The world wouldn’t function if everything had to be exactly fair. Everyone’s self-interest would have to be satisfied. This would promote conflicting demands and social chaos. People would be bumping into each other, literally and figuratively. Even nature would be stunted. Nature isn’t fair, animals eat other animals. This isn’t fair to the ones being eaten. Tornadoes, floods and all kinds of natural disasters are not fair to the ones affected. But this is all part of the balance of nature.

Everyday the world and it’s inhabitants are unfair in some way. But, we are all conditioned to look for fairness in life, and when it doesn’t happen, we tend to feel anger, anxiety and frustration.

Can we make our own fairness?

Aristotle defined justice as the principle that equals should be treated equally and unequals  treated unequally.

We all have an instinctive need for justice. But so many people feel the world is full of injustice, and the only way to live, is to do an injustice to someone before they do one to you. One of the paradoxes of life is that people have a need for justice, but they deal with inequity by doing more injustice to others to get even.

Another negative attitude toward justice is the way some people view the legal system. It’s as if the rich and influential are judged by a different set of rules than the masses.

Justice is defined as the quality of being just and equitable. It’s the quality of moral rightness. But can we, as individuals, help justice survive and satisfy our need?

The world runs on the basis of struggle, and with struggle comes inequities. Out of this comes a feeling that there is no luck, no fairness, and no justice. What can we do to turn our attitude positive?

So, luck, fairness, justice, is there any? As we have seen, externally (outside yourself), in the outside world, there is little to none. But internally (within yourself), I say, yes, there can be luck, fairness and justice in your own personal world.

Can you make your own luck? Yes, but how? By working hard to attain your goals. It all depends upon your mental attitude toward “bad breaks”. Successful people turn the so called “bad breaks” around to their advantage, if this isn’t possible, they learn lessons from them.

In the final analysis, if you stick to your goals and grasp opportunities, the “luck” comes.

Can we make our own fairness? Yes, I believe you can, if you stop comparing yourself to what others have or do, and start comparing yourself with yourself.

You are a unique person in this unfair world, so you must begin to see your emotional life as separate from what others say, do, or have. When you compare yourself by your own standards, you are creating your own fairness.

Can we serve our instinct and help justice survive? Yes, I believe we can, by developing new thinking. Believing that a situation doesn’t have to be unjust, if enough people decide they want to change it for the better. And you can start the ball rolling by not doing injustices to others.

We can all do our little bit by helping get a new law passed or supporting some cause that we believe will bring more justice to the world. Right action with good will toward your fellow humans will help justice along the way.

You have the power to choose, so your destiny is in your own hands. You can make your own “luck”. You can create your own fairness, and you can help justice survive.

Remember, whatever happens in the outside world, is not as important as your attitude toward it.

Good luck and happy expectations.

Do you want to be strong in your dealings with other people? Of course, you say. Then you want to assert yourself.

What is assertiveness? It is the ability to communicate clearly and confidently your needs, wants, ideas, opinions and feelings. When you accept that not everyone in the world will be kind and caring toward you, you realize the need for assertiveness.

To be assertive:

1. It means leaving a strong impression on others. You can handle criticism and exploitation and eventually master the situation. Strength is the name of the game and people respect you more when you are strong in your ideas and opinions and you feel you are a worthy, effective person.
2.  The assertive person doesn’t want or need to ask permission to speak, to think, or to need approval from others, although it’s nice to get it.
3. Use your posture and body language to communicate self-confidence. Stand tall and sit erect. Have eye contact and speak in a firm voice.
4. You will actively seek out what you want. The assertive person will find the work he wants to do, hobbies that interest him and friends who stimulate and support.

In dealing with life, we need high self-esteem and being assertive will give you this. Being assertive is also having courage, the willingness to confront fear and to stand up to it.

When you assert yourself, first you think, then you do, and after you do, you know and understand.

There are exceptions to that statement:

Life is like moving a glass vase. The most important thing is not to drop it. You need to understand that BEFORE you act! Afterwards, you may come to understand how you came to drop it, but the damage is done.

It’s like that when you deal with people’s feelings. If you damage them, it may take a long time just to repair the damage and you may never achieve that!

There is one question about assertiveness that keeps popping up:

“ Can you be assertive and humble at the same time?”

Sometimes gentleness is the best attitude, then nobody feels threatened. Some weak people wouldn’t relate well to an assertive person. So, it would be wonderful if we could combine assertiveness with humility.

Assertion can be attained by being forceful and confident without being contemptuous of others. You can still have reverence for others.

Happily, we can be humble and assertive at the same time, if you are smart enough to choose your words and attitude to prove something without being hostile.

So, you feel good when you are strong, and assertiveness equals strength!

We are all changing constantly! We live from day to day and our bodies and our brains are changing, growing, renewing, and replacing their cells. Changing, not only physically but emotionally and psychologically.

So,we are literally different people as time goes by. How can we maintain a sense of security with all this going on?

“ No man is free who is not master of himself,” said the ancient philosopher, Epictetus. But to be master of yourself, you have to deal with change effectively and understand the nature of security. Change and security are opposites. Change is the natural law of life. But in this changing world, you need some security for balance.

Change handled positively equals growth. Security, in the right form and amount equals stability.

External security refers to outside guarantees, such as money, house, car, and job. The guarantee that all external things in your world will be okay forever. is impossible in a changing world. You can only have partial external security.

Internal security is the ability to trust yourself and being content in your present life. Having the knowledge that you can handle problems when they arise. This kind of security can be obtained. Only the internally insecure strive for complete external security.

There are three attitudes toward change. The neurotic is characterised by panic and inertia. The normal is what most of us do, cope and strive. The master of self is a person who welcomes change, because that’s the way they enjoy life with growth and new horizons.

Change is going on all around us:

First, there are natural changes. We go through biological changes, birth, childhood, puberty to old age. These changes are forced on us and we have to adapt.

Other changes forced on us are, loosing a loved one, friend, parent, or unexpected redundancy, etc.

Then there is choice change, changes we choose for ourselves. Such as, marriage, new interests, job change, etc. These changes come about through the power of choice.

Virtually, everything we do entails some security and insecurity. If you stand up to an argumentative person, you may be outwardly full of confidence, but you may be, also, shaking inside. We have moments of security and insecurity. We tread the middle ground.

We need a positive view of change.We have a need to understand ourselves  and a need for growth. It’s only through this journey of self-discovery that we develop the flexibility and awareness to deal with life and live it enjoyably and productively.

A negative view of change makes a person unable to grow and learn. They are frightened that change will shatter everything they know.

When your life changes you must adapt to the new situation and accept reality.

If change is inevitable, and it is, we have to live with it positively.We need to set goals and decide what’s best for us and work out how to do it.

When you have the inner security to deal with change, you will be master of yourself. When yourlife changes and you have the inner security to see it positively, there is a new beginning. And that is what an enjoyable, productive life is all about:

New Beginnings and Happy Expectations

For Today and Tomorrow

“ Hello? What did you say? Can you speak louder, please? Turn up the volume on the TV!”

I had been suffering with this plugged up right ear for 10 weeks, ever since I had the sore throat and flu. It seemed like phlegm got into my ear passage. When one of your senses goes wonky, you realize how you take it for granted. My whole life was being affected.

The first time I went to the GP, he gave me antibiotics and oil to put in my ear. I had been inhaling medicated steam without any results. The antibiotics and oil didn’t help.

The second time he gave me antihistamines. They didn’t help.

It was uncomfortable,  this plugged up ear, it made me heavy headed on one side. My hearing was muffled on the right side. When I talked, it was like talking in an echo chamber. I didn’t know how loud I was talking, until people started telling me.

I could hear things going on inside my head and body better than things in the outside world. For example, I could hear my jugular vein pulsating and if I was going to belch, I could hear the wind coming up from the deep recesses of my stomach through my tubes. It was weird!

The third time to the GP, he said I would have to see a specialist and he would put me on the NHS waiting list. I told him I would pay for the specialist, I wanted to get this over with!

I went to the private specialist with £50 on me, he took all of it.

Now, I was under the impression that the specialist would clear my ear right in his office. I had a similar condition with my ear years ago in the USA. Then the doctor blew out the phlegm from my ear with a bellows type instrument. I walked out, a half an hour later, hearing properly again! Quick and easy. But this time that was not to be. There were different techniques today.

The doctor examined me and said I would have to have a simple operation to remove the fluid from my middle ear. It involved a pin prick hole put into my ear drum and a grommet put in to act as a drain. I would have to have anaesthesia and this involved theatre time and an overnight stay in the hospital.

Well, you can imagine my disappointment and shock to find out that my simple blow out exercise had blown into a full scale theatre operation!

I was told if I wanted to go private, I could get it done in a couple of days, for about a £l,000. I couldn’t afford that. Put me on the waiting list.

So, it would be at least 7-8 weeks before my turn!

But, to my surprise, 2 weeks later, I got a letter telling me a bed was reserved at the General Hospital for me. I was to admit myself at 2 PM the following Monday. I believe I got in so fast because the specialist was on the staff of that hospital.

My wife and I went to the hospital and I got checked in. The nurse showed me to my bed. I was in the eye ward and it was mixed, men and women! I could hear my jugular vein pulsating away.

Looking at all the forlorn faces in the beds, it filled me with anxiety.

My next bed neighbour was in for a tonsillectomy. He was 29 years old. He was not happy. He hated hospitals. I ate a sandwich with a cup of coffee. That’s all I felt like.

I was reading and trying not to concentrate on the moans and groans around me. My wife came at 7PM for visiting and left at 8. I felt completely alone! I watched telly until 10 and decided to get into my night clothes and have an early night.

An old lady about 80, who had an eye op was kicking up a fuss. Her name was Gladys and she was delirious from the anaesthetic. She kept moaning, “ I want to go home.”

The nurse was trying to restrain her from getting out of bed.

“ No, Gladys, you can’t go home yet, you just had an operation.” Said the nurse, getting aggravated herself.

“ I want to go home,” repeats Gladys.

I thought it is going to be a long restless night, for me and for Gladys!

I think I awoke half asleep, I swear Gladys was standing by my bed smiling at me.Then, I dropped off to sleep again. Was it a nightmare?

Later on, someone startled me and put a sign above my bed that said, “ Nil By Mouth”. They took my water away. All of a sudden I was thirsty!

I got out of bed at 7AM. I couldn’t lay  there any longer. I put my robe on and sat in the big chair and began my morning wait.

I asked the nurse when my op will be. She told  me that my ear and the tonsils next to me, were last on the list for the morning. I would probably be  between 11 and 12 noon.

More waiting!

I sat looking at the op trolley come for different people, but not for me.

Finally, the nurse came and told me to get into my smock. Oh, the dreaded hospital smock, that lets in plenty of air and doesn’t leave you much dignity.

At 12:15 PM the trolley came for me. They covered me up and the nurse checked my name tag with her papers. I told her I was going for an ear op. I didn’t want a slip up, and get someone else’s op! The nurse said she knows what I’m going for. That was a great relief!

Watching the ceiling go by, They wheel me into the anaesthetic room. People were rushing around my body, attaching things to my chest that monitor the heart. The anaesthetist was talking to me.

“ Do I smoke?”

“ No, I gave it up,” I said.

He keeps talking, “ You’re American?”

“ Yes, from Chicago.”

My doctor was in the sea of faces looking at me. The anaesthetist injected by right arm and I was OUT!

The next thing I realised, someone was tickling the bottoms of my feet with a brush.

“ David, are you awake?”

“ Yes,” I whispered. I felt very heavy lidded and extremely euphoric. But, this feeling lasted only a few minutes.

On the way back to the ward, I started feeling very groggy and sickish. When we got back to the ward, I glanced at the clock, 1:20, a little over an hour. My wife was there, smiling at me, and helping the attendants to get me in bed. It was good to see her and to be back in the land of the living.

I had a sandwich and a banana right before I left the hospital at 6PM, on Tuesday. I had been in since 2PM the previous day.

The nurse came and cut my name tag off and said, “ I don’t want to see you back here tonight.” Probably because they would have to get another tag for me.

When I got home I threw up the sandwich and banana. It was Wednesday afternoon before I kept some solid food down.But at least I could hear properly again.

My doctor gave me a note saying not to go back to work until Monday. So, it was exactly one week from when I was admitted into the hospital. What an ordeal to correct a plugged up ear.

I hope I won’t take my health for granted again. Hospitals are wonderful when you need them, but hopefully I will never have to go back there again.

Incidentally, I don’t see Gladys in my dreams anymore!

We all compare things. This is done to discover likenesses and differences that suit us. But what I am concerned with here, is the most important measurement for you. The only personal comparison you should make.

Now, one side of the coin says: Comparison with others is a waste of time, it takes away from your true self, and can be destructive to your character.

The other side of the coin says: The above is a negative way of looking at comparison. Comparing ourselves with others allows us to learn, develop our own ways of doing things, find out that what we want is different from others, and it inspires us to greater things. So, not all comparison is negative.

Then again, to be in a comparison game with others might be the wrong way to think about yourself. A better attitude is to think of being in competition with yourself. Let what you do today compete with and surpass what you did yesterday, and you will think well of yourself.

It takes self-confidence for people to determine for themselves how well they are doing, or what they want to do. When they don’t have this confidence, they use the only standards available—comparison with others. But when you see your progress grow to your own standards, you gain confidence.

But, maybe your standards aren’t high enough, they don’t push you hard enough. If you use some one else’s higher standards, it might push you more. Human nature pushes us to compare ourselves with others. It’s fun and a form of competition.

Remember, there is only one of you, and you take yourself where ever you go! No one is exactly like you, in terms of your inner feelings, thoughts and capabilities.

You perceive, think, and feel in your own unique way.

If you accept this notion, then you will want to take a hard look at why you should use anyone else’s example as a barometer for how well you do something. So, you want to compare today’s “you” with yesterday’s “you”, to see if you grew any as an individual.

Here’s something to ponder: Your self-worth can never be verified by others, so why compare yourself with others? You are worthy because you are growing by your own standards. If you depend on other people’s standards for your value, it is their worth NOT your worth.

There is a school of thought that you will be happier when you don’t use other people’s status as a measurement of your own happiness. Compare you, with you.

Here’s hoping you have many happy and fulfilling comparisons, and day by day you can get better and better.

***

What do you think? Which is the most compelling view?

Or, do we use a blend of both sides of the coin?

This article is for all you frustrated philosophers out there. ANGER, is a self-provoking word. I hope this article makes you  STOP and THINK!

Like the bee’s sting, anger is self destructive and when it explodes, verbal and physical violence often ensues.

This emotion makes you feel miserable and depressed. Heated arguments, trying to make people understand your position, put a physical and mental strain on you. It can cause ulcers, high-blood pressure and heart trouble. If you can eliminate it, in the majority of instances, you will keep your sanity, your health and your happiness.

What is anger, anyway? It is strong feelings arouse by injury, injustice or wrongs, real or supposed. It makes us feel unworthy and guilty, it pulls us down from our true level as human beings. It is a wrong choice most of the time.

When anger is part of you, too much of the time, you concentrate on your grievances with life. To ease this you must concentrate on your successes, then you will gain confidence and feel good.

Like all emotions anger is the result of thinking, in this case wrong thinking. It comes from frustration, when we fail to achieve goals or satisfy basic desires.

Everyone feels frustrated, now and again, because we are imperfect, and the world is complex. But we don’t want destructive emotions to follow our frustration. We want constructive thinking to follow.

Annoyance, irritation, and disappointment are feelings that you very likely will continue to experience, since the world will never be completely the way you want it to be!

So you must convince yourself that anger weakens you and makes frustration unbearable. It attracts the wrong conditions, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. While constructive thoughts, confidence and courage attract the right conditions.

***

Now, all this is well and good! But, there is such a thing as Righteous Anger.

If people abuse you or a loved one, and if a child is bullied, anger maybe all you’ve got! It’s a defence mechanism. If you don’t use it, you have to cringe away.

A good burst of anger can clear the air. Are we not supposed to get angry at things like cruelty, injustice or stupidity?

I once heard an interesting story on how to channel your anger. A man got a very abusive letter from an acquaintance. The man was so enraged that he was on the brink of feeling sick!

“ What shall I do about it?” he asked his wife.

“ Write and tell him what you think of him. Get it all out of your system on paper.”

He did so.

His wife read the result.

“ Very good,” she said. “ Now do you feel better?”

“ Much better, thank you. Now, I’ll send it,” said the man.

“ Oh, don’t send it. It’s done it’s job. It has released your anger. Now tear up both letters and throw them away,” said his wife, smiling.

So, the elimination of anger, when you don’t need it, is going to lift a weight from your body and mind. You are going to enjoy life, relieved of tension and strain.

In most situations, say to anger,

“ You’re Unwanted!”

***

Your thoughts, please.

“ What? Problems are good for me? No, I don’t need or want any problems, thank you.”  This is probably the typical response to this article’s title. But there is plenty of evidence that problems are  good for you. Solving life’s difficulties increases our confidence, our courage, and our powers of strategy and efficiency. Problems can be the best things that happen to us, if we tackle them positively and see the advantages that can arise from victory.

Solving problems is what humans do. It’s what we do best. If we didn’t solve problems, we would still be making noises in the trees! Victory over problems equals growth and achievement in life. Life implies growth. In your psychological world, If you are growing you are alive. If you are not growing, you are psychologically dead. Solving problems keeps you mentally alive. By facing and conquering obstacles, your mind grows strong and your character develops.

Difficulties should be viewed as opportunities for growth and achievement. With each victory you grow in wisdom and experience.

It has been said that every problem has it’s solution hidden in it, and benefits come out of the solution. Thinking of this truth, creates enthusiasm for solving problems.

Bring on the problems! Get into the habit of having a positive mental attitude because your success in meeting challenges depends on it.

Many benefits come out of victory over social problems- overcoming social injustice, relieving poverty, better housing, etc.

Conquer the bad attitude of not wanting or avoiding problems.The more problems you have to solve, the more alive you are. Obstacles are a part of life, because everything in our world is in a constant process of change.

To many people, problems mean insecurity. But in reality, the only security you have is in the knowledge that you can handle life’s difficulties in a positive way.

Many people avoid dealing with problems because they fear failure This fear leads to emotional, mental, and physical immobility. But “ failure” in solving a problem is just someone else’s opinion of how it should be solved. There are many ways to solve a problem and many learning experiences connected with the search for a solution. Even if you don’t completely solve a difficulty, you learn just from trying. So even out of so called “ failure”, can come good.

Some people even make money from exploiting people’s  problems to some extent. Take some counsellors, for example, who often enjoy their problem involving jobs because it boosts their own egos, self-worthiness, self-importance and sense of superiority at the expense of problem sufferers! Hopefully, they help the sufferer a little, while they get these benefits for themselves.

After having faced problems, and not run away, and come up with solutions full of benefits, you become a person filled with confidence. Secure in the knowledge that you can handle most difficulties that come along in life. This thought inspires and strengthens you. Every victory helps you acquire a sense of fulfilment in your life. So, problems are good for you!

What do you think?