“Avon Calling”

My friend, who shall remain nameless, a big bloke, six foot, four inches tall and two hundred and forty pounds, will never forget the time he heard the immortal words, “Avon calling”.

His kid sister, was sixteen at the time, and had a part-time job selling Avon products.

One day, the Avon supervisor telephoned the kid sister and said she was coming over to give her some sales books because she hadn’t been selling much.

So she waited, but no Avon lady. She had a dentist appointment so she left, slamming the front door but it jumped open again.

My friend was home at the time, but he was ignorant of his sister’s Avon lady coming over.

After awhile the Avon super showed up, rang the bell, nobody answered. My friend was in the shower.

Seeing the door was ajar, the Avon lady let herself in. This was a mistake. My friend and his sister had a cat with a vicious nature.

The cat jumped out and scratched the lady as she walked through the house. She screamed and ran into the first door she spotted, it turned out to be the downstairs shower room.

My friend, behind the shower door, heard a noise. He opened the shower door and there staring at this naked giant, was the Avon super. She was frozen to the spot.

He shouted, “Who are you?”

“Avon calling. I’m the Avon lady,” she stammered.

She was mesmerized by his huge body.

My friend thought she must be a complete loony.

“Avon lady! What are you doing in my bathroom?”

“I was scratched by your cat and I’m hiding.”

“What do you want me to do?” he shouted.

“Do something about your cat.”

He grabbled a towel and put it around his middle, even though it was a little late for modesty.

He cornered the raging beast and the Avon lady was out the door to seek medical treatment.

A week later, my friend received a letter from the lady’s lawyer and shrink, saying the whole experience had caused her great trauma. She wanted compensation.

Well, I don’t know about her trauma, but it certainly didn’t do much good for my friend’s nerves either. For him it was “Psycho” revisited without the blood!


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