Mars and Venus

I was sitting on my favorite green padded stool at the end of the bar, sipping my beer and staring a hole through Aphrodite’s oil painting.

When out of the blue a woman slid onto the stool next to me. I wondered what she would philosophize about.

She was a tall, stunning, statuesque, brunette with finely chiseled features. She was wearing a short black jacket over a black dress with the hem a little above the knee and killer heels. I estimated she was in her mid-thirties, she wore no wedding ring. Because I am a writer, I am very observant!

She ordered a frozen, strawberry daiquiri. It took about five minutes before it was delivered to her. It probably had quite a few ingredients.

“My, my, that’s a colorful cocktail?”

“Yes, it’s my favorite.”

“How different women and men are. You have your fancy drink and I have my foamy draft beer.”

She smiled and said:

“I guess that’s why men are from Mars and women from Venus.”

Oh, I had an intelligent one on my hands, I thought.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I goaded her.

“Well, it means we’re different, like different planets. Men from Mars,aggressive, cold, ambitious and full of testosterone. Women from Venus, warm, lovable and agreeable.”

“I guess that means we don’t understand each other.”

“That’s right, men are physically strong and pushy, women are sensitive and loving.”

“Well, I am fairly strong. I can open my own jars.”

She didn’t laugh, but she continued:

“Let me quote you some facts: 9 out of 10 prison inmates are men. There are more homeless men than women. Men are more close minded, more hostile, more narcissistic and more self-indulgent than women.”

“Well, that doesn’t paint a very flattering picture of men, does it?”

“It most certainly doesn’t,” she said, smugly.

“But why, should men be so maladjusted and antisocial?”

“Too much testosterone, it makes men aggressive, dominant, competitive and full of themselves.”

“I guess our punishment for all this, is to die earlier than women, about 5 years earlier or so.”

“Probably,” she said.

I ordered another beer as she kept on and on comparing men and women on their different personalities, different cognitive abilities and so on.

Then, she shut up and quickly left the building.

The bartender came over and said:

“Man, she left in a hurry. What did you say to her?”

“I just told her, she looks extremely gorgeous when her lips are CLOSED!”

8 thoughts on “Mars and Venus

  1. At your age you should know there’s a difference between men and women, I found out when I was a teenager and have been negotiating peace agreements ever since. A bit of diplomacy goes a long way. But maybe your to old to remember cousin, keep up the good stories.

  2. Writer Dave is going to be in big trouble with the ladies over his latest blog.
    Dave faces a woman’s lib advocate who bases her feelings on the premise that men are from Mars and women from Venus–until she abruptly leaves Dave’s favorite watering hole. After listening to the lady spew her ‘theory’ and grinding men to the ground the reader learns why the lady split…Could it be something Dave said???

  3. Ha Ha! Good one, on us women. Maybe I should be a guest-blogger on your site and leave one of my favorite male-bashing jokes!!

  4. Hurray for our side! Dave does it again. Our hero. A man among men. The John Wayne of today. God bless you Dave.

  5. Her views (yours?) are far too simplistic and black-and-white. We are all made up of male and female traits. Let’s never forget we are all human beings and we have a lot to learn from each other. You are the loser here Dave.

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