Times are hard now, the politicians and bankers tell us. The cuts will bite deep!

I phoned my wife and said:

“Buy some coal.”

“ Why?”

Because I remember my father telling me during the Great Depression if you had some coal for the furnace, you were okay.”

“ But we have gas heat!”

“ Buy some coal anyway, the utility companies are heartless. And while you’re at it buy potatoes.”

“ Why?”

“ Because I remember my dad telling me they ate a lot of potatoes during the Depression. They’re cheap and they stick to your ribs. And switch off most of the lights in the house, one room, one light!”

When I got home, the house was dark, my wife was in bed, nothing else to do in these hard times.

I switched on the TV and heard an “expert” say times weren’t as bad as they appeared and there in no reason, yet, to commit suicide!

The commentator then said this could be the time to capitalize on some buying opportunities. So I headed for the financial district.

“ Excuse me, are you an upward mobile financial man?”

“ Yes.”

“ Can I ask you a question?”

“ Yes, but make it fast, I’m headed for the nearest bridge!”

“ Are you a broker or a trader?”

Yes, yes, but why are you asking these questions?”

“ Well, I was wondering what kind of wrist watch you’re wearing.”

“  A Rolex, of course, what kind of Broker-Trader do you think I am?”

“ Want to sell it?”

“ Yes, I won’t need it now.”

I gave him a few bucks and said:

“ Is that a Burberry trenchcoat you’re wearing?”

“ Yes.”

“ I’ll take it.” I gave him another couple of bucks.

“ Now, how about your car? Is it a Merc?’

“ Yes, it is, and I love it.”

“ I know how you feel, but at a time like this you need to relieve yourself of this drain on your cash.”

He gave me the keys and said:

“ It has a list price of…”

“ No, no, in these hard times the market is flooded with them.”

I put a couple of dollars in his hand and took the keys.

“ Is there anything else?” I said.

He looked at me with a far away look in his eyes.

“ Well yes, but it’s my prized possession.”

“ You can’t take it with you,” I reminded him.

“ What is it?”

“ It’s my Golf Club membership. I have my own locker!”

“ Give it to me and I’ll take you there one last time as my guest.”

The Broker-Trader stared at me in disbelief.

“ Nice doing business with you.”

“ Wait, take this,  you might as well have everything.”

He took out a metal container from his pocket.

“ What is it?”

“ My Coke.”

“ No thanks, I prefer Budweiser!”

THE WORLD IS A MADHOUSE!