Up Or Down

After living alone for many years, I recently got married. I knew adjustments would have to be made. But there was one item I didn’t think of. That item was the toilet seat.

“John, can you please put the seat down before you leave the bathroom,” my wife said, good-naturedly.

“Darling, old habits are hard to break,” I said, smiling.

“Okay John, I’m going to tape a note to the wall to remind you.”

Needless to say the notes didn’t work, they kept falling off. Joking about it didn’t help, it only led to insults and yelling at each other.

There was trouble in “River City”.

“John, the normal state of the toilet seat is DOWN.”

“Darling, you’re so picky.”

“ Does it exhaust you so much to put the seat down?”

Now I was getting angry.

“Darling, if a woman doesn’t have the sense to observe where she is about to sit, she probably deserves everything that’s coming to her.”

“John, it is a case of simple courtesy to put the seat down.”

My wife was now demanding me to put it down. I was getting rebellious.

“Darling, when I enter the bathroom, I have enough sense and decency to lift the seat.”

“Well then, why can’t you put it down before you leave?”

“You’re getting so prickly. I suppose the next problem you will think of is whether the toilet tissue should go over the roll or straight down, next to the wall.”

“Don’t be silly, John, the toilet seat issue is much more important.”

“Darling, this is the final thing I’m going to say about this issue, does it require of you more energy to flop it down than it does for me to flip it up?”

“What are you getting at?”

“The simple answer to my question is, NO! In fact it requires less energy for you, because I am fighting GRAVITY!”

4 thoughts on “Up Or Down

  1. I grew up in a family with 4 women and me. I always put the seat down. I guess they taught me early because I don’t ever remember leaving it up. Even today it is automatic. Boy, am I ever brainwashed.

  2. Ach! The endless toilet seat argument. No problem in our house–we have to keep the whole deal down on all toilets because we have a dog and a cat that think they’re drinking fountains!

  3. I’m married and have three daughters I always close the toilet, and that cover they put on the lid can;t be seen if its open. I guess I’m brainwashed too. LLC Jim

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