Naked As A Jaybird

I was sitting with my buddy, Joe, in our favorite watering hole, sipping our beers and looking at our reflections in the huge mirror behind the bar.

“My wife does her housework naked!” said Joe, solemnly.

I almost choked on my swig of beer.

“How do you know, did you catch her?”

“Yes, I did. She usually tells me to get lost while she cleans the house because I get in her way. Well, I came back early one day and caught  her pushing the vacuum with just her wrist watch on”

“Why does she do it?”

Joe was smiling into the bar mirror.

“She says it gives her the feeling of total freedom.”

“I hope she draws all the curtains.”

“Oh yes, she likes her privacy.”

“I thought she was getting the first symptoms of dementia, but she says she’s perfectly sane. She says a lot of women do it.”

“I imagine there are some hazards to be aware of when you’re playing Lady Godiva,” I mumbled.

“Oh yes, she burned her tummy while ironing once.”

“Wow! That smarts,” I laughed into the mirror.

“She says she gets the house cleaned in record time, because she can bend and stretch freely.”

“That’s wonderful!”

I ordered two more beers.

“Some people would think there was something immoral about cleaning the house naked.”

Joe shook his head.

“She says she enjoys it and why shouldn’t she have some fun while doing the drudgery jobs.”

“Has she told you about any embarrassing incidents while she was working in her birthday suit?”

Joe laughed.

“Tell me, I need a laugh, I’m going home soon.”

“Well, one incident she told me about almost cured her of this nakedness.”

Joe hesitated.

“Bartender, give Joe another beer.” I had to hear this story.

“Well, she was doing the washing in the basement and she just had her hair done. Some of our pipes leak a bit and she spotted our son’s football helmet, which she put on to protect her hair. So, there she stood, stark naked wearing a football helmet.”

We both laughed at that mental image.

“My wife then heard the basement door open. She turned around and there was the gas meter reader staring at her with his mouth open. As he turned to leave, he said: “I hope your team wins, lady.”

5 thoughts on “Naked As A Jaybird

  1. Writer Dave here.
    A friend of mine once went to a night club in Miami and saw a topless girls’ band. One of the girls was an accordionist. She didn’t play “Lady of Spain”, She played “Lady of PAIN” My friend cringed all the way through the act!

  2. Dave: My pick for “funniest paragraph” for 2012 is from your vignette about a housewife that cleans her home in the nude. That image is humorous enough, but add “wearing only a football helmet” and having a gas meter reader surprise her with, “lady, I hope your team wins,” is precious.
    Larry Primak, Tamarac, Florida March 19, 2012

  3. Thats pretty funny cousin, do you lay awake at nights thinking these stories up or is it really thing’s one dreams of? What ever keep it up, I like them. Cousin Jim

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