Alcoholic Philosophy

My friend Leon and I were discussing the pros and cons of our drinking habit. The funny thing was we were in our favorite tavern enjoying our “boilermakers”, which is a glass of beer plus a shot of whiskey. It was a good place for this discussion.

“What do you get out of drinking, Leon”?

“Well, I get a lot of joy out of it, Tom.”

“Sometimes, Leon, it makes me miserable!”

“I can’t believe that, Tom, look at our friendship, which is cemented by our sociable drinking together.”

“Maybe, but I have made a few enemies when I got drunk.”

“Tom, you know something, I get exhilarated when I drink.”

“But there’s a flip side, isn’t there, Leon? After the flying high, sometimes you get very depressed.”

“All I know, Tom, is after a hard day’s work, I like to get some of my favorite bottled anesthetic. It helps relieve the pain of reality.”

We lifted our shot glasses and toasted:


We laughed together, feeling delightfully dizzy.

“FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES,” we cheered simultaneously.

“Bartender, two more whiskeys,” shouted Leon.

“You know, Leon, my parents told me never to drink, that it was the devil in a bottle.”

“Tom, it probably would have been a better idea to break you in gently to liquor. Maybe a little wine diluted with water, when you were about ten years old. You would have learned early how to handle alcohol.”

“Hmm, I’m not so sure of that, Leon.”

We downed our shots in one go.

“Oh Tom, I feel so calm after a few drinks.”

“That’s funny, Leon, I feel sort of shaky.”

“Not me, I feel absolutely heavenly, Tom.”

“I feel like hell, Leon.”

All of a sudden, Leon fell off of his stool and ended up on the floor, face down with his arms spread-eagled.

“What’s wrong with Leon?” said the bartender.

“Nothing, he’s just holding onto the floor, so he doesn’t fall!”

3 thoughts on “Alcoholic Philosophy

  1. I stopped drinking a long time ago. I was a happy drunk. I remember, well, the spinning room. I remember lying in bed watching the ceiling going around and knowing in my logical mind that it was an impossibility. I wondered how that could be. Then I realized the room wasn’t spinning….it was the floor. Mystery solved.

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