Love and Diet

I was sitting on my favorite park bench, eating my lunch, two cold roast beef sandwiches, a chocolate cupcake, and a diet soda. I was almost finished with my lunch when a forlorn figure of a man sat down next to me eating  a grapefruit.

“Good afternoon,” I said cheerfully, trying to raise his spirits.

“It’s not a good afternoon,” he scowled.

“Why not? The sun is shining.”

“Because I’m not sure if my wife loves me anymore!”

“How did that come about?”

“Well, the first thing was, she started criticizing my body. I’m getting fat, she says.”

“I see you’re only eating grapefruit, that should help you get thinner.”

“Yes, but I’m miserable on this diet.”

“Is that the only thing that’s bothering you?”

“No, she says I don’t know what love is and I don’t do enough to make our relationship work.”

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. I think you will have to make a decision to do everything possible to MAKE the relationship work, in other words, it’s up to you!”

“What do I have to do?”

“Well, start to really “love” everything your wife does and says because when you admire, respect and love who the other person is, it should help make your marriage or relationship work better. Liking or Loving is a Choice.”

“Well, that’s half my problem solved.”

The birds in the park began to sing!

“What should I do about this terrible diet?”

“Let’s have some fun with this one. Look, I have a diet soda with my cupcake. You know what, they cancel each other out, zero calories!”

“That’s interesting,” he said, smiling.

“See, you’re feeling better already.”

“Tell me more.”

“Well, eat your lunch in the park all the time. Eat everything you want. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories!”

“I love chocolate cookies.”

“Okay, what you do is break up the cookies into very small pieces. The breaking up process causes calories to leak out.”

“This is great news.”

“And finally, if you can fatten up everyone around you, you will look much thinner.”

He walked away a happy man!

4 thoughts on “Love and Diet

  1. You’re bad!
    Once, at a Weight Watchers meeting they gave a list of things that people foolishly thought didn’t count. “When no one sees you” is a good one.I think some of theirs were, eating while standing in front of the refrigeator, tasting while cooking, finishing what’s left on your kid’s plates. The list went on but I can’t remember them all. How we like to kid ourselves!

  2. Hi cousin, you know that if you jog in the pask while you are eating your lunch you will lose weight, half of your lunch will fall on the ground, no calories! The rest of your lunch will be burned off, you’ll be in great shape. But then who want’s to die healthy, I don’t so I don’t jog. LLC Jim

  3. Never been to weight watchers, but am constently watching what I eat. I’m not over weight, I love the idea though of braking up the chocolate so the calories leak out. I’ll have to try that 🙂

  4. Hey Dave,

    This story is so cute, and I like that it’s from a male perspective. That a woman thinks a man is fat; it’s usually the other way around, so I enjoy that you’re flipping around the stereotype. I read a few of your posts, and it seems you write whatever comes in your head. Keep doing so. It makes for an interesting blog.
    Jennifer Ciotta

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