Contemplating the Navel

My Long Lost Cousin came to my house the other night in a state of panic!

“What’s wrong, Cousin?”

My Cousin’s face was as white as a ghost’s!

“I put myself in a hypnotic trance and I almost didn’t get out of it!”

“Relax, and tell your Cousin Dave all about it. Do you want a beer or a whiskey-Seven?”

“I think I need a double whiskey-Seven!”

I got myself a beer and my Cousin his whiskey.

“Okay, let’s hear the story and see if I can help.”

“You know I’ve been having problems with insomnia and over-eating.”


“Well, I bought a book on Self-Hypnosis because I thought it could help me without drugs or therapy.”

“Sounds sensible, your inner resources needed a boost.”

LLC continued: “First, I tried the Navel Technique for calmness and peace of mind, to relax me before the main event.”

“What happened?”

“I laid down on the floor of my study and looked up at the oil painting of the bikini-clad girl. She has a wonderful navel!”

“I don’t remember that picture, is it new?”

“I bought it a couple of weeks ago.”

“Oh! Please go on.”

“Well, I started breathing deeply, with my stomach pushed out, then I inhaled through my nose. Then I exhaled through my mouth with my stomach held in. Then I contemplated the navel.”

“Whose navel, yours or the oil painting?”

“The oil painting!”

“I think you’re supposed to be contemplating your navel.”

“I can’t see my navel!”

“In your imagination, Cousin, after all it’s only a hole in your belly!”

“Okay, okay, after a few minutes of navel gazing I felt relaxed. So I could use this technique to get to sleep.”

“That’s one problem solved,” I said, hopefully.

“Now, I went on to the main event, the technique to cure my over-eating.”

“Is this the one you almost didn’t get out of?”

“Yes, it was very scary. You know when you’re in a dream, and you want to get out of it, but you can’t move, complete muscle weakness. Sleep Paralysis!”

“Describe the technique, please.”

“I did my deep breathing and navel gazing, then I started to rub my feet and legs to stimulate blood circulation. They warmed up nicely. Then I put a blanket over my feet, legs and thighs. The warmth felt good.”

“It was relaxing also, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, it was. Then I imagined I was buried up to the waist in quicksand! There were two figures standing on the hard ground looking at me. One held out a stick and the other held out a plate of delicious fattening food.”

“Oh, oh, decision time!”

“Right! If I took the stick I would be saved and I would realize I can conquer my over-eating. But I grabbed the plate of food and every time I ate a goody, I sunk down farther in the sand!”

My Cousin was a sad case, indeed.

“So you were swallowing food and the quicksand was swallowing you!”

“Yes. I had to exert all my strength to push myself out of the trance! Coming out I felt extremely tired.”

“But why did you take the plate of food?”

“I think it was because the person offering me the food was the “wonderful navel lady” in my oil painting!!!”


6 thoughts on “Contemplating the Navel

  1. How about writing about a typical day in the life of LLC: Where he works, where he hangs out, who his friends are, you know, a Seinfeldian stream-of-consciousness expose about his hidden world. Something along the lines of Kramer.

  2. It’s a good thing I am not the jealous type.
    LLC’s hypnotic state would be dreaming.
    Another great story, You are an excellent

  3. I loved that story. You got me smiling this morning. Do you remember the game of WAR that you played with that girl in high school… know, NAVEL against NAVEL
    Sorry Dave. I couldn’t resist that old joke.

  4. Well, Dave and his long, lost cousin are at it again. Cousin’s problem: He’s concerned about belly buttons, his and the naval belonging to a girl in a recently purchased painting hanging in his living room.
    All I can say about this piece is, “All members of the Belly Club…must show their button.
    And, Dave weave’s the ancient art of hypnosis into the blog to which I offer my own dream: I was hypnotized and I dreamed my navel had a screw in it. I struggled to unscrew it, and when I did, my tush fell off. Thanks for making us laugh and think Dave.

  5. Hey cousin thanks for airing my dirty laundry in public I came to you for advice and what do you do you tell the public about my bikini-clad girl on the wall thanks a lot!

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