The Disagreeing Man

Have you ever met a person who disagrees with everything you say? Well, I have, my lunch companion at a writer’s do in London.

Every time I came up with a statement, he would say:

“Yes, but…”

“I totally disagree…”

“You are very wrong…”

I think people like this are trying to be superior to you through disagreement.

When you analyze it, argument is a battle of egos. When you agree with someone’s point of view, you lose! When you disagree, you then are asserting your ego, indicating your superiority! It’s an all out battle between competing egos.

For instance, I said:

“I think women believe in psychics and fortune tellers more than men do.”

“You are very wrong there,” said my disagreeing companion.

“Women use logic just as much as men do,’ he added.

“The reason I made that statement is because women have “fun” with fortune tellers, even if they don’t believe them entirely.”

“I totally disagree with you.”

I re-filled my wine glass. I could see I’d need a fair amount of drink to put up with this guy!

“If a woman has a humdrum routine as a house maker, she may enjoy an escape offered by psychics and fortune tellers.”

“Yes, but, what about the career woman who is too intelligent for such nonsense?”

“Women use their emotions more than men do and I think even the career woman would enjoy a little of the escapism.”

He then turned to someone else to disagree with. I was left with a few minutes of peace to eat my lunch!

When he turned back to me, I thought I’d lighten things up, so I told him a joke.

“The best way to get a woman to argue with you is to say something!”

“Hey, that’s not funny, what have you got against women?”

Boy oh boy, this guy even disagrees over a joke!

I took another sip of wine. I was feeling bold now, so I threw another statement out for his ears.

“I’m fed up with the Nanny State.”

“What do you mean? We need someone to help us with decisions!”

“I just think the government tries to regulate our personal behavior too much.”

“You’re wrong, again. Someone has got to ram info home to us.”

“Don’t you think people should be able to make their own decisions about their behavior and then take responsibility for the resulting effects?”

“I disagree, most people don’t know what’s good for them.”

I shook my head in frustration!

“Well, lets take the case of government telling us about a healthy diet and telling us what to eat.”

“Too many people are fat, someone has to read the riot act to them!”

“Well, I think most of us are educated enough to tell what foods are good for us and what foods are bad for us. In the end it’s our choice. You must take responsibility for yourself. Don’t blame fast food places, blame yourself if you’re obese.”

“You’re wrong!”

“Well, arguments have two sides, but no end,” I smiled.

Would this man ever agree with anything I say?

I thought I’d try one more statement.

“In a blindfold test, most people can’t distinguish between whisky and cognac.”

“Nonsense, I can.”

I ordered a shot of whisky and a shot of cognac, and blindfolded my friend with his napkin. I shuffled the glasses around and then had him sniff and taste them.

The one he said was cognac was whisky!

“I got discombobulated when I was blindfolded,” he mumbled.

I thought I’d enlighten him a little.

“What’s the difference between whisky and cognac? Well, whisky is distilled from grain. Cognac is made from grapes. They both are aged in oak barrels. Sometimes, they look and taste similar.”

When he got up to leave, he said:

“I still don’t agree with anything you’ve said!”

I smiled and said:

“Never argue with an IDIOT; he will drag you down to his level and beat you with EXPERIENCE!”



My cousin showed up at my house looking worried.

“What’s the matter?”

“I can’t remember my wife’s name! What should I do?”

“I suggest you start calling her pet names, like Honey, My Love, Sweetheart, etc. until you can recall her name.”

My cousin looked quizzical.

“Also, the other day, I went to the store and forgot what I went for!”

“Senior moments, my friend, after all you’re over sixty!”

My cousin had a frightened expression now.

“I’m not getting dementia, am I?”

“Calm down, cousin, and take a Prozac!”

“I’m all out of those, I’ll take an aspirin instead.”

“You’re not getting dementia. What’s happening is your memory is changing! Info is processed slower and recall is slower.”

“Is that normal?”

“Yes, it’s part of the aging process. Slightly slower processing leads to awareness, because of aging, allows us to see and understand things better.”

“Oh cousin, you make it sound so good! So, the changes in memory that we have to adapt to, are bothersome but not debilitating.”

“You’ve got it, cousin! Things that came naturally to you, now you must concentrate more on them, that’s why learning new things now takes more effort.”

My cousin turned to leave and as he was walking out the door, he said:

“Life must go on, but I forgot WHY!”


My Long Lost Cousin

I met my Long Lost Cousin when I was 20 years old and he was 10. Then we didn’t hear from each other for over 50 years! Hence, my LLC!

He was a telephone installer in his working life, now he is retired like me.

My many blog readers want to know if I will ever awaken him to his problems and the solutions to said problems. I will always continue to try to help him with his trials and tribulations in the blog stories. We will always have stories about LLC’s escapades.

Trying to straighten out LLC, I realize just how different people are from each other. Maybe, being in analysis with me might keep him on the straight and narrow.

I think LLC has a deep-seated compulsion to SHOCK people. Like the time he told his neighbor he was being recruited by the FBI to train as an agent! He upset a few people with that statement. That’s why we both drink!

When his house was burgled, he told people the robbers stole his Drug Making equipment!

Sometimes when I’m talking to him, he seems to disappear to a place I can’t locate or understand. “What is he thinking about?”

LLC says he doesn’t lie! One day we were discussing this and I told him to read the Bible-specifically, Mark, Chapter 17. The next day I asked him if he read Mark 17. He said, yes. I said, Mark only has 16 chapters!!!

Maybe something happened in LLC’s childhood. Maybe he’s holding back because he can’t find a way of telling us. But he dreams his story and develops symptoms and he then finds himself acting in ways he doesn’t understand. People don’t challenge him about his lying, they mostly keep quiet. It’s like a big secret!

Then, it all came out, why LLC acts the way he does. His mother and him never were very close. They were rarely alone with each other in the growing up years. One night, he wet the bed and his pajamas. He threw the sheets and PJ’s into the corner of the bedroom.

The next night he found his bed sheets dry and his PJ’s nicely folded ready for him to put on. Apparently his mother never mentioned his problem to his father or anyone not even LLC!

This developed into a secret between mother and son. LLC and his mother were partners in this secret. He felt very close to his mother at last!

When she died, he wanted to keep his mother close to him. So the way he did this was to: Tell lies and hope the people who he told them to would not tell anybody, they would become like his mother- his secret partners!

Well, it takes all kinds!!!

Now, LLC is growing a beard.

You ask why?




The Witches Brew

One night when my Long Lost Cousin and I were walking home from the movies, we decided to take a different route home. We ended up in a neighborhood of Victorian houses. I always thought these huge houses looked scary! One had a red neon sign, flickering “The Witches Brew Pub”, interesting knick-knacks for sale.

We were thirsty, so we entered. The place was dimly lit, with red leather booths and bar stools. As soon as we got our bearings, we saw a display cabinet filled with antique crystal. The whole lounge had a mirrored ceiling. Behind the bar was also a long mirror, that seemed to have pale faces staring out at you.

There were women cocktail waitresses and bartenders, all dressed in long black dresses. They had pentagram earrings and necklaces. They were all very good looking!

We both grabbed a stool.

“Hello gents, we specialize in the Witches Brew Cocktail, would you like to try one?”

“Yes, what’s in them?” I said.

“Raspberry vodka and raspberry liquor, lime and cranberry juice, ground cinnamon on top. All in a highball glass filled with ice.”

“Wow! That should have a kick to it,” said LLC.

I felt like we were being watched, maybe it was those faces in the mirror!

“This place looks like a witches den,” I remarked.

“That’s right, and we’re all witches here,” said one of the bartenders.

“Hey lady, what do you call a witch who lives at the beach?”

“Don’t know,” said the bartender witch.

“A sand-witch! That’s funny, right?” LLC was laughing!

“Yea, it went over like a lead broomstick!”

We both gulped our cocktails!

“Two more Witches Brews please.”

There was a table in the corner of the lounge full of skulls, candles and pentagrams, plus some vials of liquid labeled “Love Potion”!

“They are all for sale, must be the knick-knacks,” said LLC.

“What do these items symbolize?” I asked the lady behind the counter.

“Well, the skull represents Death, the candles are used in rituals, spells and for ambiance, and the five points of the pentagram represent the five elements, Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Spirit or Energy.”

“Thank you for that information,” I said, smiling.

“I’m going to buy some love potion,” said LLC, laughing. “I need all the help I can get.”

“Lots of luck, cousin.”

“What is witchcraft anyway?”

“Well, I think it is the use of magical powers in Pagan religious rituals, to make you feel good, like for medicinal purposes, remember the witchdoctors? Also, to put a spell on someone for revenge.”

“Sounds interesting.”

“In the old days, in different countries, people used to have witch hunts and they executed women who were supposed to be witches.’

“What’s that big book on a stand behind the bar?”

“That’s the Book of Shadows. It contains instructions for magical rituals and spells!”

LLC raised his eyebrows in amazement.

The witch bartender went to wait on another customer.

“She’s good looking, I wonder if I can slip her one of these love potions?” LLC was laughing loudly now!

“The witches are supposed to have the power to look into the future,” I said.

“I feel another joke coming on.”

The drinks were getting to LLC!

“Why did the witch give up fortune telling?”


“There was no future in it!” LLC was rolling in the aisles now.

After two more brews we left.

The next day, when we met up. I said:

“You were really floating last night. Did you get home okay?”

“I really don’t know how I got home last night. But in the morning there was a broomstick beside my bed!!!”